This talking points memo must have landed in the wrong inbox…
TO: All red-blooded God-fearing Americans
RE: 5 reasons why white men are more fit for the Supreme Court than that Latina woman
• White men are objective. Women and people of color are inherently biased, making all their opinions suspect. This should automatically disqualify them from serving on the bench. White men look out for everyone and aren’t just interested in taking care of their own. Frankly, people of color are secretly “out to get” white men and would use whatever power they have to settle a score.
• White people are color-blind and can transcend race. Today’s racists and sexists are actually people of color and women who cling to their identity politics just for their own gain. Judge Sonia Sotomayor thinks that race shapes one’s experiences and perspectives and that diversity somehow makes things better. Her Puerto Rican roots must be coloring her views for she clearly has little understanding of America or its citizens. No wonder Newt Gingrich authoritatively labels her a “Latina woman racist.” White American-born straight men have secure identities and don’t need identity politics.
Indeed, whites don’t even see race because they don’t really have a race. They’re just part of the human race. They prefer to blend in without calling attention to themselves. And they know that if we’d all just ignore race, then racism would disappear. That’s why Chief Justice John Roberts, when striking down a voluntary school integration plan, nobly asserted, “The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race.” In other words, race conscious remedies to address racial inequalities are, by definition, racist. Simple logic. It makes you wonder how the authors of the Brown v. Board of Education decision could have been so blatantly discriminatory.
• White men are more qualified. They consistently score better on standardized tests. That’s why they get into elite schools and high-paying jobs, fair and square, without any affirmative action. If white men excel, it’s only because meritocracy works. Those who make the rules and play by them deserve to succeed.
• White men have the right judicial temperament. The last thing our highest court needs is angry people of color, hysterical women, or both. White men have well-honed skills for staying cool and collected. And they’re less likely to be “activist” judges. In fact, we’d be better off with a strict interpretation of our original constitution—before it got all mucked up with amendments that gave too many people rights they didn’t even earn or deserve, like the right to vote. Look where that’s gotten us.
• White men are the new minority. White men are endangered, having to fend off reverse racism at every turn. With a Black president, who knows what could happen to the Supreme Court and every other sacred institution? Under our unwritten quota system, every vacancy sets off a bean-counting frenzy. Now, anyone and their cousin with dark skin or limited testosterone is instantly qualified for a seat on the Supreme Court. That’s why this nomination fight is the new ground zero of Pat Buchanan’s prophetic “culture war.” And it may well become the frontline of the war on terror. For it’s not just the survival of white men at stake, but the sanctity of our entire social order.